White House Releases 23 Corrections To Trump’s “Perfect” Coronavirus Speech

Washington D.C.—

This morning the Trump Administration released a report listing 23 corrections to various inaccuracies in Trump’s recent press conference about the spread of coronavirus in the United States.

They are as follows:

1. Coronavirus was not created in a lab by CNN.
2. Blowing on your hands does not blow away the coronavirus germs.
3. The coronavirus threatens every citizen, not just the ones who voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016.
4. Not getting a coronavirus test doesn’t mean you don’t have it.
5. Nancy Pelosi does not wear a necklace with coronavirus in a little bottle around her neck.
6. The coronavirus did not evolve inside Rose O’Donnell’s “bitch mouth.”
7. The coronavirus is not from Kenya, and Barack Obama did not bring it with him when he got elected President.
8. Trump rallies do not have a coronavirus force field around them courtesy of God protecting all Trump fans from getting coronavirus.
9. The spread of coronavirus cannot be halted by increases in the Dow Jones Industrial Average.
10. The coronavirus does not share 99% of its genetic makeup with Chuck Schumer.
11. Wearing “Make America Great Again” hats does not prevent you from getting infected with coronavirus in public.
12. Coronavirus is not “Obama’s Ebola wearing a disguise.”
13. Eric Trump is not a biochemist, and is not close to finding the cure for coronavirus.
14. Obama did not try to name coronavirus as America’s national virus.
15. Obama did not try to award the coronavirus the Medal of Freedom.
16. Coronavirus is not spreading faster among Americans who have Obamacare.
17. The border wall does not have special paint that repels coronavirus from sneaking in at the US-Mexican border.
18. CNN’s Don Lemon has never “gotten gay” with coronavirus.
19. Michelle Obama did not ever spray coronavirus on her vegetable garden to make them poison America.
20. Hillary Clinton did not contract coronavirus in 2016, it was pneumonia.
21. Coronavirus was not a campaign donor to Pete Buttigieg.
22. Paul Manafort was not arrested by the FBI for trying to stop the spread of coronavirus in Ukraine
23. There is no evidence for the claim that the DNC is colluding with coronavirus to hurt Trump in the election.

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